Causes of Extra-Marital Affairs
Extra marital affair is a sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment between two married people. It may also be referred to as adultery.
The reasons why people engage themselves in extramarital affairs can be summarized under three categories
- Sexual needs
- Emotional needs and
- Falling out of love with their partner and falling in love with a new one.
Below are some of the common causes of extra-marital affairs:
- Lack of sexual satisfaction
- Desire for additional sexual encounters
- Lack of emotional satisfaction
- Wanting emotional validation from someone else (appreciation)
- Falling out of love with your partner
- Falling in love with someone new
- Desire to seek revenge
- Curiosity and desire for new experiences (Variety they say is the spice of life)
- Financial Pressures and other societal demands.
- Cultural and Religious Challenges.
- African traditions encourages polygamy as men were rated according to the number of children and wives they had compared to their educational achievement.
Effect of Extra-Marital Affairs
When one partner goes outside of the relationship for emotional or physical needs, the other partner may end the relationship, or forgive and stay in it, but either way, extra-marital affairs have major, negative effects that can be felt for some time.
Damage to Self Esteem: The person who has been cheated on will suffer a blow to his or her self-esteem. They may have the usual thoughts of, “Was I not enough?” or “If I hadn’t let myself go this would not have happened.”
Lack of Trust: The victim of an affair will find it difficult to trust. He or she may doubt their judgment of others. Even if this relationship ends, and another begins, the baggage of infidelity can follow.
Sense of loss: You may feel your world has turned upside down. The things in your life that gave you a sense of security have been shattered.
Infections and Diseases: Cheating spouses are prone to infectious diseases such as sexually transmitted diseases e.g HIV,Hepatitis B, Syphilis etc.
Divorce and Cost Implications: Cheating is one of the major reasons why relationship collapse in the world. Marriages are crumbing because of infidelity on the part of their spouses. And as such, the legal implications are huge as men have paid huge amount of money in setting divorce cases
Control of Extra-Marital Affairs
Know Where Your Vulnerabilities Lie & What Attracts You to Others: If you’re in a marriage where you don’t feel heard or understood, you’re likely to find yourself attracted to your doting coworker who listens to you without hesitation. If you’re in a sexless marriage, you may find yourself attracted to a sexually assertive friend, etc. Knowing your vulnerability to attraction is important, because you’ll likely be attracted to qualities that are not present in your marriage qualities that you greatly desire to be present.
Go Public and Take Away the Power of the Attraction: When you find yourself attracted to someone, keeping it private creates a sense of freedom. Talking to your spouse about your attraction takes the power and fantasy out of it, and makes you face the reality of the trouble you’re headed for.
Be Mindful of Your Marriage and Your Partner’s Needs: Really get to know what your partner needs and let your partner know what you need in order to be successful in marriage. Affairs and attractions happen for various reasons, but typically it’s because one partner is not being fulfilled emotionally and/or sexually. If you’re noticing a void in one or both of these areas, do something about it. Talk to your partner about their feelings, go to counseling, etc. Avoiding the topic will only end up making things worse down the road.
Marriage should be built on solid Rock: Marriages should be consummated purely on the doctrines as stated in the holy bible. Any marriage does not take God as the head and the spiritual leader of the home is bound to fail. Couple should pray together always to avoid temptations. The bible says in Amos 3:7 “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secrets unto his servants the prophets”
Love your partner genuinely and unconditionally: Genuine relationships have proven to last for years. Couples are advised when choosing partners to always ensure that their partner is willing to love them unconditionally. When you love your partner genuinely, you will not cheat or harm her.